Lessons from 5 Years with 6 Au Pairs
Plus the interview questions and House Rules we actually use
For the last five years, hosting au pairs has been the single most transformative system we’ve built for our family. It’s the reason I’ve been able to scale businesses, navigate a high-stakes career pivot, travel with our kids, and manage an autoimmune condition. We’ve loved our au pairs, are so grateful for their support, and still have relationships with all of them today.
We’re currently on our sixth au pair in five years, and yes, I’ll explain why. After living this way for half a decade, I’ve realized this is not just childcare. It’s a partnership that requires real structure, clear expectations, and its own set of operating procedures.
In the beginning, I had to figure it out as I went. I made mistakes in interviewing. I wasn’t clear enough about expectations. And I learned the hard way that “common sense” is not a management strategy.
To clarify, au pairs can stay with your family for up to two years. So why have we had six?
The short answer is a series of unexpected events, followed by urgency to fill childcare gaps, which created a much less linear path than I ever anticipated.
Here’s how it unfolded:
Fall 2019: We matched with our first au pair from France while I was pregnant with Caden.
Spring 2020: COVID hit, and Europeans were no longer allowed to travel to the U.S. We pieced together childcare with part-time nannies and family support for about a year.
Spring 2021: Our French au pair still couldn’t come to the U.S., so in a moment of desperation, we matched with an au pair from Mexico who was already in the Bay Area and in rematch. We loved her, but she had an unexpected reason she needed to return home just a couple of months later. She’s since traveled with us on vacation in Mexico, and even flew back for a month to help with the kids when we were in between au pairs.
Fall 2021: We urgently rematched with another au pair from Colombia who was already in the U.S. and had six months left in her term. Now she is a nanny for another family locally, and we love running into her at the park and on walks! She still babysits for us.
Spring 2022: Our original French au pair was finally able to come to the U.S.
Spring 2023: She decided to return home for school rather than extend for a second year. She now lives in LA and we’ve gotten to see her when we travel there. We then matched with a new au pair from Colombia. Unfortunately, her driving skills had been significantly embellished, and we knew almost immediately she was not the right fit for our family. We moved quickly and found another au pair in rematch, originally from Mexico, who was living in Dallas.
That au pair finished her first year with us and stayed for a full second year. She even traveled with us to Portugal for nine weeks before heading back to Mexico.
We had planned for her to return to our family again in the spring, but a few bumps in the road came up. So once again, at the end of 2024, we found ourselves urgently needing childcare. This time, we matched with an au pair in a local rematch who was originally from Latvia. She was with our family for six months, and we mutually agreed not to extend for her second year.
In August 2025, our current au pair from Mexico joined us, and she has been the perfect fit! We’ve already agreed to extend for a second year.
Through all of that trial and error, I’ve refined the process. I’ve tightened our interview filters, sharpened our House Rules, and built a true manual of operations for our home that allows everyone to thrive.
I’m sharing these resources because I’ve lived them. I’ve also personally coached more than ten other families through the process successfully.
At this point, I know exactly what it takes to find the right person, how to integrate them into the rhythm of family life, and how to build a warm relationship while still maintaining the structure a high-functioning home requires.
I also recorded a full podcast episode on this if you want to add it to your lineup.
This guide is a deep dive into the systems I’ve spent the last five years refining.
The TLDR on Au Pairs
Au pairs are between 18 and 26 years old from another country who lives with your family on a cultural exchange visa. In exchange for a private room, board, and a weekly stipend, they provide up to 45 hours of childcare per week, no more than 10 hours per day.
The “Why” for our family:
Flexibility: Our au pair works a split shift, early mornings and afternoons, plus some evenings. We can shift hours when needed, extend one night a week for a built-in date night, and have support that can travel with us.
Connection: Our kids have someone familiar in their home who loves them.
Language: We care deeply about our kids being bilingual in Spanish. It’s probably the single biggest skill I wish I had developed earlier in life.
Cost: In a city like San Francisco, the math is hard to ignore. Once you factor in the stipend, food, phone, and agency fees, the total annual cost is around $28,000 depending on bonuses and extras. That’s more than half the cost of a full-time nanny in most cities, and one-third of the cost here in SF, which makes it a much more sustainable long-term solution for ongoing support.
How to find your right match
Finding the right au pair is exactly like hiring a team member at work. You need a process that filters for alignment, defaults to action, and screens for your specific family “vibe.”
Choose an agency: You must go through a government-regulated agency. We looked across several when we first started and found Cultural Care had the best pool for us, especially a strong concentration of Latin American and European au pairs. Many of our friends have also had great experiences with them.
Save $250 on program fees with Cultural Care by signing up here.
Define your non-negotiables: Do you need a strong driver? Someone who speaks a certain language? Someone with proven toddler experience? Someone who has cared for multiple children? Do you want them to eat dinner with you? Prefer they spend most time out of your house? Need someone who is willing to work weekends consistently?
The profile: Don’t just look at the photos. Read the essays for signs of maturity. Look for consistent childcare experience with children the same age as yours. Bonus points if they’ve worked in a daycare, preschool, or elementary school setting, not just “helping at church.” Your instinct may be to choose someone older, but we’ve actually had great experiences with au pairs between 21 and 24.
Interview with intention: Don’t just “chat.” Use a multi-interview structure to see how they handle stress and if their values align with yours. My exact interview process is below.
Timing matters: Start interviewing about three months before your ideal start date. If you have less than a month, you’ll likely need to focus only on au pairs already in the U.S., either those in rematch or those looking for a second-year extension with a new family.
So here is the exact 3-step interview process to follow, the exact questions to ask, and my exact house rules…
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